A Tactical Pause for High Performers
You had a goal.
Maybe it was a promotion. A milestone. A number in the bank account that meant freedom.
And you hit it.
But instead of a life-changing moment, there is sadness.
Or worse, nothing.
“I don’t know who I am when I’m not chasing something.”
You keep showing up. You do the work.
But the fire that used to drive you? It’s gone quiet.
- You stop raising your hand in meetings.
- You stop volunteering for stretch projects.
- You stop pretending that the latest corporate enthusiasm campaign lights you up.
You’re just no longer chasing something that feels like yours.
And now, you’re asking the harder question:
What now?
Why It Happens
The fade doesn’t happen overnight.
You just became really, really good at becoming what was needed.
At work, at home, in relationships — you adjusted.
You filled the gaps.
You performed the version of yourself that got rewarded, promoted, accepted, or simply left alone.
And for a while, that worked.
You had a North Star, a clear, driving goal that made everything else feel secondary. You knew why you were doing what you were doing, and that gave you permission to ignore everything else.
But once that goal was reached, the facade fell away.
And what was left was someone high-functioning, high-achieving… and lost.
Identity erosion happens when you’re too adaptable for too long and you start forgetting what was yours to begin with.
In that realization, you can begin to find your way back, starting with the Identity Check-In.
The Identity Check-In
A tactical tool to realign with who you are — when everything else is shifting.
Here’s how to run it:
Step 1: Track Your Tasks for One Week
List everything you actually do — not only what’s on your calendar, but what fills your day.
- Send an email? Write it down.
- Fix a problem no one else saw? List it.
- Handle admin, tech, clean-up, strategy? Log it all.
Next to each one, write:
[ + ] Energizing
[ – ] Draining
[ = ] Neutral
Step 2: Do the Same for Your Meetings
Every 1:1, every group call, every fly-by Teams chat.
Mark each one:
- Did I leave more clear or more depleted?
- Was I showing up, or performing?
Step 3: Run the Numbers
If more than 75% of your time is draining or neutral, you’re mismatched.
It’s a signal.
And signals are actionable.
You do have to acknowledge why you’re getting stuck.
This is where realignment begins.
What to Do Next
Here are a few paths to explore once you’ve run the Identity Check-In:
1. Recalibrate the Role
Is there room to shift what you’re doing within your current role?
- Take on more of what energizes you
- Offload or trade what consistently drains you
- Propose a new project or responsibility that aligns better with your strengths
Sometimes a new focus can revitalize an old job.
2. Explore Lateral Moves
If the core of the role no longer fits, is there another team, department, or focus area that would?
Look for patterns in your energizing tasks.
They’ll often point to roles where your strengths are better used and better seen.
3. Clarify the Exit Criteria
If staying feels like a slow erasure, define what “done” looks like.
- What would need to change for this to be sustainable?
- What’s non-negotiable for your future self?
- What’s worth walking toward, even if you’re not there yet?
No sudden moves.
Just exploration.
The goal is simple:
Start realigning with what makes you, you again.